August 5, 2008

Would You Survive if You Were a Character in an 80’s Slasher?



So, you love horror movies and you just can’t get enough of axe wielding murderers terrorizing Midwesterners. Who can? No matter how bad we hate to admit it, we all love seeing the innocent girl not so innocently slaughtered near the opening credits of the movie and we just can’t wait to see just how many people will lose their lives while having sex in each installment.

If Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween were among your favorite slasher flicks in the 80’s,you need to take this test to find out if you would’ve survived.


1. Do you live in the Midwest, near a lake, or near Manhattan? If you answered yes, you may not have survived if you were in an 80’s slasher, especially if you are a teenager.

2. Do you sleep? If you answered yes and you live in the Midwest, near a lake, or near Manhattan, you probably would not have survived if you were in an 80’s slasher. If you answered no, you may need at nap.

3. Do you have promiscuous sex while camping, babysitting, or trying to keep other people awake? If you answered yes, you probably would not have survived if you were in an 80’s slasher, but millions of people would’ve gotten to see you have sex and you would’ve been the fantasy of every 13-year-old boy in the country.


4. Do you feel like you sometimes need therapy to get the vision of Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, or Jason Voorhees out of your mind? If you answered yes, you may have survived the first film but you probably wouldn’t have made it past the sequel.

5. Do you enjoy poking fun at large men in masks while they stand motionless with meat cleavers in their hands? If you answered yes, you probably wouldn’t have survived an 80’s slasher but you would’ve gotten bit parts in other bad films.

6. Are you a woman who wears heels when you go for a run? If you answered yes, you probably wouldn’t have survived, but you would’ve lost your shirt and bra well before you were murdered.

7. Can you run more than three steps without falling down? If you answered yes, you probably would’ve survived until you were so distracted by the footsteps behind you that you ran into your attacker’s chest.

8. Do you prematurely believe that something is over before it actually is? If you answered yes, you may have survived an 80’s slasher but you would’ve had to defend yourself from the bad guy at least once more just to give the audience a final scare before the end of the film.

How did you do? While we all love 80’s slashers, there’s no denying they were as cheesy as Velveeta but they were good for a quick scare in between makeout sessions on the couch.

If you haven’t seen them yet, you need to. These movies have inspired countless Halloween costumes, posters, t-shirts, and poorly written sequels.


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